123 Narcissistic Mothers and Toxic Fathers Quotes (2023)

1. Don’t confuse between self-love and narcissism. Self- love is making yourself your number one priority but narcissism is start enforcing that priority over others. First one is healthy; second one is not. First one is for your mental healthiness and well-being while the second one is to mess up with other peoples’ peace of mind to serve your own needs.” ― Gracia Hunter

2. “No matter how tempting, do not respond to emotional talk, insults and attacks made by the high conflict parent. Reply only to the facts about the children. By doing so you are putting boundaries in place that will lessen misunderstandings, circular conversations that lead no where and frustration on your part…keep your power and peace!”

3. “I think narcissists are endlessly watchable. The way they view the world and the way they interact within the world. They have no concept of their behavior or how it might be affecting other people. So comedically, it’s a very fun type of character to play. They are bulls in a china shop, twenty-four seven.” – Michael Showalter

4. “In the narcissist's world being accepted or cared for (not to mention loved) is a foreign language. It is meaningless or even repellent. One might recite the most delicate haiku in Japanese and it would still remain utterly meaningless to a non-speaker of Japanese. This does not diminish the value of the haiku or of the Japanese language, needless to say. But it means nothing to the non-speaker. Narcissists damage and hurt but they do so offhandedly and naturally, as an afterthought…They are aware of what they are doing to others - but they do not care. ” ― Sam Vaknin

5. “Most emotionally immature parents have an externalizing coping style. Because they’re always looking outside themselves to feel better, externalizers don’t work to develop better self-control. They get overwhelmed by emotion and either deny the seriousness of their problems or blame other people. Externalizers think reality should conform to their wishes, whereas more mature people deal with reality and adapt to it. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

6. “You don't believe that your friend could ever do anything great. You despise yourself in secret, even – no, especially – when you stand on your dignity; and since you despise yourself, you are unable to respect your friend. You can't bring yourself to believe that anyone you have sat at table with, or shared a house with, is capable of great achievement. That is why all great men have been solitary. It is hard to think in your company, little man. One can only think 'about' you, or 'for your benefit', not 'with' you, for you stifle all big, generous ideas. ” ― Wilhelm Reich

7. “To have the children behave in a pleasing manner, the narcissistic mothers use conditional love and fear, sending the message the kids will be shunned and the love taken away it they step out of line. ” ― Diana Macey, Narcissistic Mothers and Covert Emotional Abuse: For Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

8. “Attentive and reliable emotional relationships are the basis of a child’s sense of security. Unfortunately, emotionally immature parents are usually too uncomfortable with closeness to give their children the deep emotional connection they need. Parental neglect and rejection in childhood can adversely affect self-confidence and relationships in adulthood, as people repeat old, frustrating patterns and then blame themselves for not being happy. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

9. “Narcissism is a grave condition of insecurity and desperately feeling unloved and unacceptable. An individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder inherently believes they are ‘damaged goods' and fears other individuals will discover the truth: that they feel powerless. Thus the narcissist invests a great deal of energy into ‘gaining the upper hand', to hide feeling vulnerable, insecure and broken. When they are getting what they want, the charm is flowing and plentiful. When the charm doesn't work the intimidation begins. Narcissism is categorized as an unhealthy level of self-absorption and a lack of empathy regarding how their insecure, aggressive and damaging behavior affects the world around them. ” — Melanie Tonia Evans

10. “Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.” ~ Mateo Sol

11. “Once you understand what love is, you may come to the realization that your parents couldn’t or didn’t know how to be loving. This is one of the saddest truths you will ever have to accept. But when you clearly define and acknowledge your parents’ limitations, and the losses you suffered because of them, you open a door in your life for people who will love you the way you deserve to be loved—the real way. ” ― Susan Forward

12. “The needy self-absorbed parent can come across to others as very caring and concerned. This parent is usually attentive, tries to anticipate every need, and is very anxious about getting recognition for their efforts. This need for recognition, specifically, is very suggestive of selfabsorption. This parent has to receive attention, appreciation, and approval for almost every parental act, both from the child and from others. ” – Nina W. Brown

13. “Realize that narcissists have an addiction disorder. They are strongly addicted to feeling significant. Like any addict they will do whatever it takes to get this feeling often. That is why they are manipulative and future fakers. They promise change, but can't deliver if it interferes with their addiction. That is why they secure back up supply. ” ― Shannon L. Alder

14. “Many toxic parents compare one sibling unfavorably with another to make the target child feel that he’s not doing enough to gain parental affection. This motivates the child to do whatever the parents want in order to regain their favor. This divide-and-conquer technique is often unleashed against children who become a little too independent, threatening the balance of the family system.”- Dr. Susan Forward

15. “People can forgive toxic parents, but they should do it at the conclusion – not at the beginning – of their emotional housecleaning. People need to get angry about what happened to them. They need to grieve over the fact that they never had the parental love they yearned for. They need to stop diminishing or discounting the damage that was done to them.”

16. My father constantly talks about himself. He is an engineer and it’s all about how much smarter he is, what he did, how the world, computers, the medical system, EVERYTHING should be designed around what he wants. He is always pissed off and extremely judgmental. Regardless of what I say, the subject returns to him. The conversation is always about him, he has no interest in anyone else

17. “By undermining you, they make sure that if you complain about the narcissistic parent, nobody will believe you because they already have a certain negative image of you. Again, this abusive behavior is just how narcissists live day to day. The plotting and manipulation is necessary to twist others around their false image. ” ― Diana Macey

18. “Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They're emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God's creations because they don't show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt. ” ― Shannon L. Alder

19. “It’s rare for a toxic person to change their behavior. More often, the only thing that varies is their target and the blame they place. Because some toxic people are difficult to identify, keep in mind that a victim mindset is sometimes a red flag. So, listen when someone talks about their life and circumstances. If the list of people they blame is long… it’s probably only a matter of time before you’re on that list.”

20. “For all his inner suffering, the narcissist has many traits that make for success in bureaucratic institutions, which put premium on the manipulation of interpersonal relations, discourage the formation of deep personal attachments, and at the same time provide the narcissist with the approval he needs in order to validate his self-esteem.” ~ Christopher Lasch

21. “Me doing well has them so down, my heart, my fervor, my passion, my homemaking skills oh well oh boo boo I'm beautiful I'm pationate I'm creative I'm artistic Inside and out I've done good by you I've done good to my mom I've done good to my life I've done good to my husband Fuck you” “I am ME. I love ME. They need to accept ME” “Me am a very loving, generous, supportive, vibrant, sexy, beautiful woman, and they can’t hold me down” “These people said that I ate so much as an adolescent I don’t deserve basic human rights or as a woman” “You don’t support me as a person enough, you need to work on your obedience.” “You have NO RIGHT to tell me what to do” These are the ones I can pull up right away. Keep in mind I don’t think narcissism is my mom’s only issue.

22. “Narcissistic personality disorder and other personality disorders are different than psychiatric patterns considered more “syndromal,” like major depression. Personality disorders are patterned ways of responding to the world and of responding to one’s inner world. Under times of stress these patterns become even stronger. Because they are patterns, they are also predictable. These patterns reside in the narcissist, not you, but their patterns cause a great deal of disruption in their relationships with everyone around them. ” ― Dr. Ramani Durvasula

23. “A poisonous parent is one whose ways of teaching children about life and styles of interaction damage children’s abilities to form healthy connections with family members, friends, and eventually romantic partners and offspring. While every parent makes mistakes, it is the frequency and intensity of certain interactions that make them “poisonous. ”” – Shea M. Dunham, Shannon B. Dermer, Jon Carlson

24. “Growing up in a family with emotionally immature parents is a lonely experience. These parents may look and act perfectly normal, caring for their child’s physical health and providing meals and safety. However, if they don’t make a solid emotional connection with their child, the child will have a gaping hole where true security might have been. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

25. “Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives. ” ― Susan Forward

26. “In fact, emotionally immature parents expect their children to know and mirror them. They can get highly upset if their children don’t act the way they want them to. Their fragile self-esteem rides on things going their way every time. However, no child is psychologically capable of mirroring an adult accurately. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

27. “If unloving mothers were able to see their behavious as abusive, they either would stop behaving that way or they would get help for their dysfunction. But many cannot: instead, they deny it, to themselves, their families, and the world at large, in order to avoid a sense of guilt, to avoid having to make changes in their lives, or to avoid the bruising awareness that they, too, were unloved children. ” ― Victoria Secunda

28. “Many neglected and abused children grow up to be adults who are afraid to take risks of striking out on their own. Many will remain dependent on their abusive parents and unable to separate from them. Others leave their abusive parents only to attach themselves to a partner who is controlling. ” — Beverly Engel

29. “The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in the narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.” ~ Dr. Ramani Durvasula

30. “Poisonous parents are those whose ways of teaching children about life and styles of interaction damage children’s ability to form healthy connections with family members, friends, and eventually romantic partners and offspring. While every parent makes mistakes, it is the frequency and intensity of certain interactions that is damaging. ” – Shea M. Dunham, Shannon B. Dermer, Jon Carlson

31. “When a mother attempts to bind a grown daughter to her, whether by fear or neediness or illness or rage, the consequences can be devastating. To continue trying to please an unpleasable mother threatens an adult daughter’s mental health and all of her relationships. And yet such daughters keep coming back to their mothers, without the daughters’ altering that relationship and their bitter or anguished reactions to it. ” ― Victoria Secunda

32. “Sadly, when many individuals realize that the narcissist is insecure and isn't reassured, they try harder to love this person. Additionally, the narcissist blames his her behavior on something that you are or aren't doing, and a hooked person we may try to ‘do it better' or ‘get it right. Your increased efforts to love and fix the narcissist only lines you up for more abuse. ” — Melanie Tonia Evans

33. “The faculty to think objectively is reason; the emotional attitude behind reason is that of humility. To be objective, to use one's reason, is possible only if one has achieved an attitude of humility, if one has emerged from the dreams of omniscience and omnipotence which one has as a child. Love, being dependent on the relative absence of narcissism, requires the developement of humility, objectivity and reason. I must try to see the difference between my picture of a person and his behavior, as it is narcissistically distorted, and the person's reality as it exists regardless of my interests, needs and fears. ” ― Erich Fromm

34. “Recovering from the trauma inflicted by our narcissistic mother (or father/spouse/partner) takes time and effort. For some, it can take decades to understand, process, and unpack it. Healing isn’t a marathon. Rather, it’s a daily journey. We gain more insight. We educate ourselves. We process our painful abuse. We know that we are worthy of being loved, respected, and cared for.”

35. “The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in the narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is. ” ― Dr. Ramani Durvasula

36. Dear narcissus boy / I know you've never really apologized for anything / I know you've never really taken responsibility / I know you've never really listened to a woman / Dear me-show boy / I know you're not really into conflict resolution / Or seeing both sides of every equation / Or having an uninterrupted conversation. — Alanis Morissette

37. “My mother emotionally, physically and mentally abused me in ways that will forever impact me. She gave me breast and vaginal exams until I was seventeen years old. These “exams” made my body stiff with discomfort. I felt violated, yet I had no voice, no ability to express that. ” -― Jennette McCurdy, I’m Glad My Mom Died

38. My father is old now… and still judgmental. So much so, it is difficult to be in public with him. Just recently we went to a Mexican Restaurant for lunch. He complained about the menu… “this should have been done in Excel”!!!… then he says “Oh… that’s right Mexicans don’t know Excel”. My heart broke. I felt horrible for weeks afterwards

39. “Just because your mother gave birth to you doesn’t mean they are capable of caring for you. Just because a woman had a child doesn’t necessarily equate to being safe, respectful, or healthy. NOT ALL MOTHERS CAN LOVE. ” ― Dana Arcuri, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, Soul Rescue: How to Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse & Heal Trauma

40. “Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful. They feel entitled; they’re self-important; they crave admiration and lack empathy. They are also exploitative and envious. The malignant types never forget a slight. They may kill you ten years later for cutting them off in traffic. But they act perfectly normal while plotting their revenge.” ~ Janet M. Tavakoli

41. “Relationship with a narcissist in a nutshell: You will go from being the perfect love of their life to nothing you do is ever good enough. You will give everything and they will take it all and give you less and less in return. You will end up depleted, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially, and then get blamed for it.”

42. “In such a self-centered society, many people have gone to the extreme of narcissism—being solely concerned about their own personal well-being and agendas while excluding and exploiting others. Narcissism is not only epidemic but is also a pandemic of our times that has been normalized and accepted. Self-serving, narcissistic people are incapable and unwilling to love due to a lack of authentic self and love for one’s self and others. ” — Sepideh Irvani

43. “Narcissists are precisely that: careless. They barrel through life, using relationships and people as objects, tools, and folly. While they often seem as if they are cruel or harsh, that is in fact giving them too much credit. They are simply careless. And they do expect other people to clean up their messes. But carelessness is cruel. Frankly, the motivation for their behavior does not matter; what matters is the outcome. And that outcome is damage to other people’s well-being, hopes, aspirations, and lives. Carelessness captures it, but it is not an excuse. ” ― Dr. Ramani Durvasula

44. “Have you ever been in a relationship with an individual who demands your attention incessantly and becomes depressed, sulky and even full of rage if your attention goes elsewhere? This is one of the earliest warning signs of a narcissist. Please understand healthy adults do not behave in such a way. This is where people who know the difference turn their back and walk away; they know that any person ringing them 10 times a day and demanding attention is not well. Unfortunately, many individuals, as I did, can mistake (or delude ourselves) that this high need for attention means we're loved, missed and adored, or maybe we felt wrong in leaving or speaking up, as a result of our own deficient boundary function. Please be assured, this is not love; it's the deadly calling card of the narcissist." — Melanie Tonia Evans

45. “Narcissistic Parent: Doesn’t like it when their children become older and embrace individuality which is a normal development. They feel threatened because you’re escaping their iron clad grip of control and being an extension of them. Switching from being the golden child to the black sheep initially hurts but this is truly your road to freedom.”

46. “Have you ever been in a relationship with an individual who demands your attention incessantly and becomes depressed, sulky and even full of rage if your attention goes elsewhere? This is one of the earliest warning signs of a narcissist. Please understand healthy adults do not behave in such a way. This is where people who know the difference turn their back and walk away; they know that any person ringing them 10 times a day and demanding attention is not well. Unfortunately, many individuals, as I did, can mistake (or delude ourselves) that this high need for attention means we're loved, missed and adored, or maybe we felt wrong in leaving or speaking up, as a result of our own deficient boundary function. Please be assured, this is not love; it's the deadly calling card of the narcissist. “ — Melanie Tonia Evans

47. “In this situation, what we call natural ethics has nothing to offer but the narcissistic satisfaction of being able to think one is better than others. This is where ethics based on religion enters the scene with its promises of a better life hereafter. I am inclined to think that, for as long as virtue goes unrewarded here below, ethics will preach in vain. ” ― Sigmund Freud

48. “Don’t confuse between self-love and narcissism. Self- love is making yourself your number one priority but narcissism is start enforcing that priority over others. First one is healthy; second one is not. First one is for your mental healthiness and well-being while the second one is to mess up with other peoples’ peace of mind to serve your own needs.” ~ Gracia Hunter

49. “Self-absorbed parents may present themselves differently to different people and in different situations or environments. In addition, other people have their own unique lens for perceiving and reacting to others. Depending on their roles and connections to your self-absorbed parent, other people may not see beyond the façade presented, and they may not realize that the parent acts and relates differently to you or others. ” – Nina W. Brown

50. “Another step is that daughters can learn to monitor their own feelings and instincts by saying, “I feel uncomfortable (angry, dominated, usurped, inadequate, guilty, furious) with my mother more often than I do not. I have to pay attention to that, because it shows in how I treat my friends (lover, spouse, kids, colleagues). There is validity here. I don’t have to blame or excuse my mother-I just have to see her so I can see myself. ” ― Victoria Secunda

51. “Whenever an occasion arose in which she needed an opinion on something in the wider world, she borrowed her husband's. If this had been all there was to her, she wouldn't have bothered anyone, but as is so often the case with such women, she suffered from an incurable case of pretentiousness. Lacking any internalized values of her own, such people can arrive at a standpoint only by adopting other people's standards or views. The only principle that governs their minds is the question "How do I look?”― Haruki Murakami

52. “Behaviors and attitudes reflective of the needy self-absorbed parent are clinging, overnurturing, and a tendency to be overprotective. Such parents may make a big deal out of what they think of as their personal sacrifices, complain a lot about a lot of things, and seem to get anxious when they are alone. They pester you to know your every thought, feeling, and idea, never forget an offense, and can be easily hurt since they are hypersensitive to perceived criticism. Such parents are never empathic, but they may appear to be sympathic. ” – Nina W. Brown

53. “A narcissist can be your husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend, neighbor, boss, church member, or anyone you come in contact with. There are endless possibilities of ‘who’ they can be. The important thing to remember is the actions, behaviors are all very similar.” ― Tracy Malone, author

54. “People with NPD have a strong need, in every area of their life, to be treated as if they’re special. To those with NPD, other people are simply mirrors, useful only insofar as they reflect back the special view of themselves they so desperately long to see. If that means making others look bad by comparison — say, by ruining their reputation at work — so be it. Because life is a constant competition, they’re also usually riddled with envy over what other people seem to have. And they’ll let you know. ” ― Bandy X Lee

55. “Many toxic parents compare one sibling unfavorably with another to make the target child feel that he’s not doing enough to gain parental affection. This motivates the child to do whatever the parents want in order to regain their favor. This divide-and-conquer technique is often unleashed against children who become a little too independent, threatening the balance of the family system. ” — Susan Forward

56. “Narcissistic parents don’t really recognize their children as people separate from them. Instead, they see their children as little extensions of themselves. The needs of the child are defined by the needs of the parent, and the child who tries to express his needs is often accused of being selfish or inconsiderate.” — Jonice Webb

57. “If a mother has an unhealthy need to dominate her children-which she demonstrates by bullying, terrifying, neglecting, suffocating, indulging, humiliating, overprotecting or abusing them- those children must come to the recognition that such treatment is wrong in order to begin the long process of recovery and ultimate understanding. ” -― Victoria Secunda, When You and Your Mother Can’t Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life

58. “Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation. ” ― George K. Simon Jr

59. “Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain, and their behavior is a disguised cry for help. However, the important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for resolving their issues. While you can offer help to an energy vampire, it is ultimately their responsibility to sort out their struggles.”

60. “Family is not always about where you were born and to what household. Real family is often about the people we meet along the way in life. The ones that will love you no matter what path you choose and accepts us like family. The ones who smile and love you and bring respect and joy to your life every day.”

61. “The mother gazes at the baby in her arms, and the baby gazes at his mother's face and finds himself therein. . . provided that the mother is really looking at the unique, small, helpless being and not projecting her own expectations, fears, and plans for the child. In that case, the child would find not himself in his mother's face, but rather the mother's own projections. This child would remain without a mirror, and for the rest of his life would be seeking this mirror in vain. ” ― Donald Woods Winnicott

62. “Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful—something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for. Obviously, that’s not what love is all about. Loving behaviour doesn’t grind you down, keep you off balance, or create feelings of self-hatred. Love doesn’t hurt, it feels good. Loving behaviour nourishes your emotional well-being. When someone is being loving to you, you feel accepted, cared for, valued, and respected. Genuine love creates feelings of warmth, pleasure, safety, stability, and inner peace. ” ― Susan Forward

63. “In a society that dreads old age and death, aging holds a special terror for those who fear dependence and whose' self-esteem requires the admiration usually reserved for youth, beauty, celebrity, or charm. The usual defenses against the ravages of age—identification with ethical or artistic values beyond one's immediate interests, intellectual curiosity, the consoling emotional warmth derived from happy relationships in the past—can do nothing for the narcissist. Unable to derive whatever comfort comes from identification with historical continuity, he finds it impossible, on the contrary, to accept the fact that a younger generation now possesses many of the previously cherished gratifications of beauty, wealth, power and, particularly, creativity. To be able to enjoy life in a process involving a growing identification with other people's happiness and achievements is tragically beyond the capacity of narcissistic personalities. ” ― Christopher Lasch

64. My older brother used to abuse me, but when my parents found out, they did nothing. They ignored the neighbors when they spoke to them about it. Neither one of my parents had any look of concern or remorse when they met with the neighbors. They were more embarrassed about being confronted than about what happened

65. “Sadly, when many individuals realize that the narcissist is insecure and isn’t reassured, they try harder to love this person. Additionally, the narcissist blames his/her behavior on something that you are or aren’t doing, and a hooked person we may try to ‘do it better’ or ‘get it right.’ Your increased efforts to love and fix the narcissist only lines you up for more abuse.” ~ Melanie Tonia Evans

66. “Sometimes children of emotionally immature parents repress their anger or turn it against themselves. Perhaps they’ve learned that it’s too dangerous to express anger directly, or maybe they feel too guilty about their anger to be aware of it. When anger is internalized in this way, people tend to criticize and blame themselves unrealistically. They may end up severely depressed or even have suicidal feelings—the ultimate expression of anger against the self. Alternatively, some people express their anger in a passive-aggressive way, attempting to defeat their parents and other authority figures with behaviors like forgetting, lying, delaying, or avoiding. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

67. “Self-absorbed parents are unlikely to change because they see no reason to change. They think they are “right” in their perceptions, behaviors, and attitudes and that you are “wrong” if you differ or challenge them. It’s been that way all of your life, but you just keep hoping, wishing, and yearning for them to change and that hasn’t happened. ” – Nina W. Brown

68. “There’s the appeal of the young thief who robs you, and climbs back down off your cloud. It’s possible to love that boy, in a wistful and hopeless way. It’s possible to love his greed and narcissism, to grant him that which is beyond your own capacities: heedlessness, cockiness, a self-devotion so pure it borders on the divine. ” ― Michael Cunningham

69. “In this situation, what we call natural ethics has nothing to offer but the narcissistic satisfaction of being able to think one is better than others. This is where ethics based on religion enters the scene with its promises of a better life hereafter. I am inclined to think that, for as long as virtue goes unrewarded here below, ethics will preach in vain.” ~ Sigmund Freud

70. “A current pejorative adjective is narcissistic. Generally, a narcissist is anyone better looking than you are, but lately the adective is often applied to those 'liberals' who prefer to improve the lives of others rather than exploit them. Apparently, a concern for others is self-love at its least attractive, while greed is now a sign of the hightest altruism. But then to reverse, periodically, the meanings of words is a very small price to pay for our vast freedom not only to conform but to consume. ” ― Gore Vidal

71. What is so telling is that neither he or my mother have any empathy whatsoever. I have never seen them cry or show concern. When my mother passed away we went to a view and release at the Funeral Home. My father did not warn us. We thought it was a funeral. But instead we were put in small room with my mother naked, under a sheet on a steal table. My father proceeded to talk about how when someone dies their eye sockets fill with blood. He said this is why your mother looks a lot better now. It was horrifying and we were devastated by his lack of empathy and feelings

72. “By undermining you they make sure that if you complain about the narcissistic parent nobody will believe you, because they already have a certain negative image of you. Again, this abusive behaviour is just how narcissists live day to day. The plotting and manipulation is necessary to twist others around their false image. ” ― Diana Macey

73. “When a mother attempts to bind a grown daughter to her, whether by fear or neediness or illness or rage, the consequences can be devastating. To continue trying to please an unpleasable mother threatens an adult daughter's mental health and all of her relationships. And yet such daughters keep coming back to their mothers, without the daughters' altering that relationship and their bitter or anguished reactions to it.”

74. “Overall, children with emotionally immature parents cope with emotional deprivation in one of two ways: either internalizing their problems, or externalizing them. Children who are internalizers believe it’s up to them to change things, whereas externalizers expect others to do it for them. In some circumstances, a child might hold both beliefs, but most children primarily adopt one coping style or the other as they struggle to get their needs met. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

75. “If you are told from the time you are one month that you're no good and you're not smart and you can't do it and you don't have an opinion of your own and you pick the wrong friends and you don't study the right way and you don't wear the right clothes and you don't look nice, at some point you're going to start believing it. And if you believe it, you're going to need a mommy to tell you what to do. And that's abuse. Not to let your child grow up to be an independent, respected human being.”

76. “And think about the precise meaning of that term: a Narcissus is not proud. A proud man has disdain for other people, he undervalues them. The Narcissus overvalues them, because in every person's eyes he sees his own image, and wants to embellish it. So he takes nice care of all his mirrors. ” ― Milan Kundera

77. “Because anger is an expression of individuality, it’s the emotion that emotionally immature parents most often punish their children for having. But anger can be a helpful emotion because it gives people energy to do things differently and lets them see themselves as worthy of sticking up for. It’s often a good sign when overly responsible, anxious, or depressed people begin to be consciously aware of feeling angry. It indicates that their true self is coming to the fore and that they’re beginning to care about themselves. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

78. “Recovering from the trauma inflicted by our narcissistic mother (or father/spouse/partner) takes time and effort. For some, it can take decades to understand, process, and unpack it. Healing isn’t a marathon. Rather, it’s a daily journey. We gain more insight. We educate ourselves. We process our painful abuse. We know that we are worthy of being loved, respected, and cared for. ” ― Dana Arcuri

79. “All narcissists are self-obsessed, but malignant narcissists are at the top of the scale. They have a pathological self-belief—a sense of grandiosity, even—which demands attention and admiration. They're convinced they're special in some way and want other people to acknowledge it as well. Crucially, they're also sadists who lack any conscience. They don't necessarily get fulfillment from inflicting pain, but they enjoy the sense of power it gives them. And they're indifferent to any suffering they might cause. ” ― Simon Beckett

80. “A successful co-parenting relationship can only work between two people who are totally present and dedicated to their child/children despite outward distractions, and the personal conflicts between them. You are either in it together for the sake of your child/children, or you are not in it at all and choose to place yourself above all else.”

81. “A false image is, of course, a work of art, an idol. And a lie. A narcissist identifies with this image, not his true inner self. So, all he cares about is his image, not what kind of person he really is. Indeed, the latter has no real existence in his world. In identifying with his image, he's identifying with an ephemeral figment that has but virtual reality, a purely immanent existence as a reflection in the attention shone on him by others. No attention, no image. No image, no self!” ― Kathy Krajco

82. “Defined simply, narcissism means excessive self-preoccupation; pragmatism means excessive focus on work, achievement, and the practical concerns of life; and restlessness means an excessive greed for experience, an overeating, not in terms of food but in terms of trying to drink in too much of life. . . And constancy of all three together account for the fact that we are so habitually self-absorbed by heartaches, headaches, and greed for experience that we rarely find the time and space to be in touch with the deeper movements inside of and around us. ” ― Ronald Rolheiser

83. “If a mother has an unhealthy need to dominate her children-which she demonstrates by bullying, terrifying, neglecting, suffocating, indulging, humiliating, overprotecting or abusing them- those children must come to the recognition that such treatment is wrong in order to begin the long process of recovery and ultimate understanding. ” ― Victoria Secunda

84. “You may have internalized early in your life that your needs were not as important as others’ needs were. Lack of empathy from a parent or caretaker, neglect, blame, criticism, failure to accept you as you are and appreciate your qualities and other such experiences have shaped your belief that others’ needs should come before your own.”

85. “The constant, obvious flattery, contrary to all evidence, of the people around him [Tsar Nicholas I] had brought him to the point that he no longer saw his contradictions, no longer conformed his actions and words to reality, logic, or even simple common sense, but was fully convinced that all his orders, however senseless, unjust, and inconsistent with each other, became sensible, just, and consistent with each other only because he gave them. ” ― Leo Tolstoy

86. “Narcissistic personality disorder is named for Narcissus, from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection. Freud used the term to describe persons who were self-absorbed, and psychoanalysts have focused on the narcissist's need to bolster his or her self-esteem through grandiose fantasy, exaggerated ambition, exhibitionism, and feelings of entitlement. ” ― Donald W. Black

87. “The emptiness of the narcissist often means that they are only focused on whatever is useful or interesting to them at the moment. If at that moment it is interesting for them to tell you they love you, they do. It’s not really a long game to them, and when the next interesting issue comes up, they attend to that. The objectification of others—viewing other people as objects useful to his needs—can also play a role. When you are the only thing in the room, or the most interesting thing in the room, then the narcissist’s charisma and charm can leave you convinced that you are his everything. The problem is that this is typically superficial regard, and that superficiality results in inconsistency, and emotions for the narcissistic person range from intense to detached on a regular basis. This vacillation between intensity and detachment can be observed in the narcissist’s relationships with people (acquaintances, friends, family, and partners), work, and experiences. A healthy relationship should feel like a safe harbor in your life. Life throws us enough curve balls in the shape of money problems, work issues, medical issues, household issues, and even the weather. Sadly, a relationship with a narcissist can be one more source of chaos in your life, rather than a place of comfort and consistency. ” ― Dr. Ramani Durvasula

88. “Narcissistic parents don’t really recognize their children as people separate from them. Instead, they see their children as little extensions of themselves. The needs of the child are defined by the needs of the parent, and the child who tries to express his needs is often accused of being selfish or inconsiderate.”

89. “If you were raised as child by a narcissistic mom, you may have spent a lifetime being mistreated and shamed for things that you never did. Toxic shame is a result of being told you are not enough. You may feel worthless and unlovable. ” ― Dana Arcuri, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, Soul Rescue: How to Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse & Heal Trauma

90. “When the children of emotionally immature parents grow up, the core emptiness remains, even if they have a superficially normal adult life. Their loneliness can continue into adulthood if they unwittingly choose relationships that can’t give them enough emotional connection. They may go to school, work, marry, and raise children, but all the while they’ll still be haunted by that core sense of emotional isolation. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

91. “The narcissistic mother cannot give her child unconditional love. She’s not capable of being self-less, devoted, warm, mature, or attentive to you. Instead, everything is about her. Life revolves around meeting her unrealistic, immature needs. She expects your undivided attention. Your admiration. Your praises. Your loyalty to her. She demands you to meet her needs no matter how ridiculous they can be. ”― Dana Arcuri

92. “We seem incapable of being led by any but the monstrous. The malignant narcissist. And there are many willing to take the place of a deposed tyrant, to ape them. And the rest of us, down here, cannot discriminate in the choice of our leaders, even if we have anything resembling a real choice. We cannot lead ourselves rationally or humanely or fairly, so we choose the most unscrupulous and egotistical to lead us. Into one war and one holocaust after another. ” ― Adam Nevill

93. “Emotionally immature parents often have the fantasy that their babies will make them feel good about themselves. When their children turn out to have their own needs, it can send such parents into a state of intense anxiety. Those who are extremely emotionally immature may then use punishment, threats of abandonment, and shaming as trump cards in an attempt to feel in control and bolster their self-esteem—at their children’s expense. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

94. “Perfectionist parents seem to operate under the illusion that if they can just get their children to be perfect, they will be a perfect family. They put the burden of stability on the child to avoid facing the fact that they, as parents, cannot provide it. The child fails and becomes the scapegoat for family problems. Once again, the child is saddled with the blame.”- Dr. Susan Forward

95. “Narcissism is a reflexive turning towards the self because your childhood experiences taught you that others would not provide for your needs. A narcissist doesn’t trust that others will be there for them so they have to be there for themselves. This doesn’t leave much room for anyone else.” – Krista Jordan, PhD

96. “Emotionally immature parents don’t try to understand the emotional experiences of other people—including their own children. If accused of being insensitive to the needs or feelings of others, they become defensive, saying something along the lines of “Well, you should have said so!” They might add something about not being a mind reader, or they might dismiss the situation by saying the hurt person is overly emotional or too sensitive. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

97. “Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful. They feel entitled; they’re self-important; they crave admiration and lack empathy. They are also exploitative and envious. The malignant types never forget a slight. They may kill you ten years later for cutting them off in traffic. But they act perfectly normal while plotting their revenge. ” — Janet M. Tavakoli

98. “When children can’t rely on their parents to meet their needs, they cannot develop a sense of safety, trust, or confidence. Trust is a colossal development issue. Without the learning of trust in our early years, we are set up to have a major handicap with believing in ourselves and feeling safe in intimate connections. ” ― Karyl McBride

99. If I encounter a toddler with a machete, I may feel worried about the toddler, but I still get out of the way so that I do not get hurt. In the process of taking care of their own needs, many people with NPD hurt those around them. They are swinging mental machetes — devaluing words and abusive actions. Punchline: I believe that Narcissists deserve our compassion, but compassion does not involve giving them permission to hurt other people or overlooking any damage that they do.” — Elinor Greenberg

100. “Another step is that daughters can learn to monitor their own feelings and instincts by saying, "I feel uncomfortable (angry, dominated, usurped, inadequate, guilty, furious) with my mother more often than I do not. I have to pay attention to that, because it shows in how I treat my friends (lover, spouse, kids, colleagues). There is validity here. I don't have to blame or excuse my mother-I just have to see her so I can see myself.”

101. “Observe well how the word ‘narcissism’ is often used into marriages. The victims are often those who have separated with their significant other, rather than being on good terms with them. Therefore, we must dig deeper to the core of the word and discover its true meaning. In return, we will get a glimpse of our mentality and the main attributes that drive us to label each other with that conflicted word.” ~ Mwanandeke Kindembo

102. Often the narcissist believes that other people are faking it", leveraging emotional displays to achieve a goal. He is convinced that their ostensible "feelings" are grounded in ulterior, non-emotional motives. Faced with other people's genuine emotions, the narcissist becomes suspicious and embarrassed. He feels compelled to avoid emotion-tinged situations, or worse, experiences surges of almost uncontrollable aggression in the presence of expressed sentiments. They remind him how imperfect he is and how poorly equipped. ” ― Sam Vaknin

103. “If unloving mothers were able to see their behavious as abusive, they either would stop behaving that way or they would get help for their dysfunction. But many cannot: instead, they deny it, to themselves, their families, and the world at large, in order to avoid a sense of guilt, to avoid having to make changes in their lives, or to avoid the bruising awareness that they, too, were unloved children.”

104. “Imagine the infant who one day cries and gets fed, and the next day cries and goes hungry. One day smiles and is kissed and hugged. The next day smiles and is ignored. This is what psychologists called 'preoccupied or unresolved attachment' with the primary caregiver--usually the mother. There was love one minute and disdain the next. Affection that was given in abundance for no reason and then taken away without cause. The child has no ability to predict or influence the behavior of the parent. The narcissist loves a child only as an extension of herself at first, and then as a loyal subject. So she will tend to the child only when it makes her feel good. ” ― Wendy Walker

105. “The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one. The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity; it is the faculty to see other people and things as they are, objectively, and to be able to separate this objective picture from a picture which is formed by one's desires and fears. ” ― Erich Fromm

106. “When we meet and fall into the gravitational pull of a narcissist, we are entering a significant life lesson that involves learning how to create boundaries, self-respect, and resilience. Through trial and error (and a lot of pain), our connection with narcissists teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become mature empaths.” ― Mateo Sol

107. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.” ― Mateo Sol

108. “Relationship with a narcissist in a nutshell: You will go from being the perfect love of their life, to nothing you do is ever good enough. You will give your everything and they will take it all and give you less and less in return. You will end up depleted, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially, and then get blamed for it. ” — Bree Bonchay

109. “Relationship with a narcissist in a nutshell: You will go from being the perfect love of their life, to nothing you do is ever good enough. You will give your everything and they will take it all and give you less and less in return. You will end up depleted, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially, and then get blamed for it.” ~ Bree Bonchay

110. “Were you responsible for the physical or emotional well-being of your parent or parent figure, or even both parents? This is called parentification, where instead of the self-absorbed parent taking care of the child’s well-being, the child is expected to assume responsibility for the parent’s well-being, especially that parent’s emotional well-being. ” – Nina W. Brown

111. “Adults raised in narcissistic homes cling to the fantasy that they can somehow manipulate or control their parent/family of origin system to get the recognition and approval they require (that is, to get their needs met. ) They had this fantasy as children, and they maintain it as adults. The reality, though, is that they had little control over their parent system as children and have little control over it now. ” ― Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman

112. “The narcissistic mother cannot give her child unconditional love. She’s not capable of being selfless, devoted, warm, mature, or attentive to you. Instead, everything is about her. Life revolves around meeting her unrealistic, immature needs. She expects your undivided attention. Your admiration. Your praises. Your loyalty to her. She demands you to meet her needs no matter how ridiculous they can be. ” ― Dana Arcuri

113. “Observe well how the word ‘narcissism’ is often used into marriages. The victims are often those who have separated with their significant other, rather than being on good terms with them. Therefore, we must dig deeper to the core of the word and discover its true meaning. In return, we will get a glimpse of our mentality and the main attributes that drive us to label each other with that conflicted word. ” ― Mwanandeke Kindembo

114. “Emotionally immature parents don’t know how to validate their child’s feelings and instincts. Without this validation, children learn to give in to what others seem sure about. As adults, they may deny their instincts to the point where they acquiesce to relationships they don’t really want. They may then believe it’s up to them to make the relationship work. They may rationalize why they have to try so hard in the relationship, as though it were normal to struggle daily to get along with your mate. While effort is needed to maintain communication and connection in a relationship, it shouldn’t feel like constant, unrewarding work. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson

115. “Narcissists have poorly regulated self-esteem, so they are chronically vulnerable. If they are vulnerable then there is the threat that they may get found out, so they often maintain a grandiose exterior. Because they always measure themselves by other people, they also measure themselves against other people. They are chronically reliant on the opinions of others to form their own sense of self and are always comparing themselves, their status, their possessions and their lives to other people to determine their sense of worth and self-esteem (in a way, narcissists outsource their sense of self). ” ― Dr. Ramani Durvasula

116. “If you are told from the time you are one month that you’re no good and you’re not smart and you can’t do it and you don’t have an opinion of your own and you pick the wrong friends and you don’t study the right way and you don’t wear the right clothes and you don’t look nice, at some point you’re going to start believing it. And if you believe it, you’re going to need a mommy to tell you what to do. And that’s abuse. Not to let your child grow up to be an independent, respected human being. ”― Victoria Secunda

117. “For all his inner suffering, the narcissist has many traits that make for success in bureaucratic institutions, which put premium on the manipulation of interpersonal relations, discourage the formation of deep personal attachments, and at the same time provide the narcissist with the approval he needs in order to validate his self-esteem. ” ― Christopher Lasch

118. “Realize that narcissists have an addiction disorder. They are strongly addicted to feeling significant. Like any addict they will do whatever it takes to get this feeling often. That is why they are manipulative and future fakers. They promise change, but can’t deliver if it interferes with their addiction. That is why they secure back up supply.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

119. “It is critical to maintain boundaries between adult problems and children. Please protect your children’s innocence and allow them to remain children. They must not be burdened by adult problems. Kids don’t have the coping skills or the intellectual ability to understand money worries, adult relationship issues or their parent’s unhappiness.”

120. “By undermining you they make sure that if you complain about the narcissistic parent nobody will believe you, because they already have a certain negative image of you. Again, this abusive behaviour is just how narcissists live day to day. The plotting and manipulation is necessary to twist others around their false image.”

121. “Narcissistic abuse is not just that someone dumped you or who you had a little tiff with them. NA is psychological abuse and brainwashing using intermittent reward and punishment, coercive control and withholding normal empathetic, emotional reactions to lower your self esteem.” ― Alice Little, author of Narcissistic Abuse Truths

122. “Relationship with a narcissist in a nutshell: You will go from being the perfect love of their life, to nothing you do is ever good enough. You will give your everything and they will take it all and give you less and less in return. You will end up depleted, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially, and then get blamed for it.” — Bree Bonchay

123. “Given this shaky self-worth, it’s hard for emotionally immature parents to tolerate their children’s emotions. An upset or fussy child can stir up their anxieties about their own fundamental goodness. If they can’t immediately calm their child, they may feel like a failure and then blame the child for upsetting them. ” – Lindsay C. Gibson