167 Best Rosa Diaz Quotes from Brooklyn Nine-Nine

1. “It’s very embarrassing, having feelings. ”

2. “I’m fine at parties. I just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything.” – Rosa Diaz

3. “And when this is over, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to break those little fingers.” – Rosa Diaz

4. “The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I’m incorporating emojis into my speech to better express myself. Winky face. ” — Gina Linetti

5. “You’re so good at being lame and I’m not.” – Rosa Diaz

6. Rosa: "We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live

7. “With all due respect, that pigeon is clearly a Ray J. Hi, Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 Emoji. ” — Gina Linetti

8. “It’s the one without any blood on it.” – Rosa Diaz

9. “It’s Gina’s phone. Leave me a voice mail. I won’t check it ’cause it’s not 1993. ” — Gina Linetti’s voice mail

10. Captain Holt: “Everyone, I’m your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt. ”

11. “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt. ” — Jake Peralta

12. “We’ve gotta have each other’s backs, OK?”

13. Rosa: "Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff

14. “I don’t ask people out. I just tell them where we’re going.”

15. Jake Peralta: “I’m quick at math. ”

16. “Don’t arrest him. Just smack him. Hard. With a phone book on a body part no one can see, you know what I’m saying?”

17. “Diaz: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna break those little fingers.

18. Yeah, everyone should listen to me all the time about everything.

19. Dude, I get that, but if you want a beautiful wedding dress, you deserve to find one.

20. “You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying. ” — Gina Linetti

21. “I don’t care for cheese. I’m a curd-mudgeon. ” — Captain Holt

22. “I didn’t understand why people care so much about dumb dogs until I got a dumb dog myself.” – Rosa Diaz

23. “You’re so good at being lame, and I’m not. ”

24. “Diaz: Could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

25. “It’s very embarrassing having feelings.”

26. “Anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell. ” — Rosa Diaz

27. I’ve only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.

28. A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You’re describing hell.

29. “It’s very embarrassing having feelings.” – Rosa Diaz

30. “Let’s not overlook the fact that he turned his crime scenes into tea parties for dollies. ” — Captain Holt

31. “What is the bandwidth on the Wi-Fi here? We have much content to stream. ” — Jake Peralta

32. “Hello, unsolved case. Do you bring me joy? No, because you’re boring and you’re too hard. See ya. ” — Norm Scully

33. “Your entire life is garbage.” – Rosa Diaz

34. “A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You’re describing hell. ” — Rosa Diaz

35. “Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac. ”

36. “Title of your sex tape. ” — Amy Santiago

37. Can't tell you how many nuns I wanted to beat up in Catholic school. Ten.

38. “We’ve gotta have each other’s backs, okay?” – Rosa Diaz

39. “This man is a Timberlake and you need to stop treating him like a Fatone. ” — Gina Linetti

40. “It’s either that or go caroling with my family…” – Rosa Diaz

41. “I was thinking how I would make the perfect American president based upon my skill set, dance ability, and bloodlust. ” — Gina Linetti

42. Jake Peralta: “Thought I might find you here. So not a big fan of my speech, huh?”

43. I don't like being stabbed by someone so they can steal my blood. I'm crazy.

44. Captain Holt: “Please be seated. Friends, colleagues, gawking New Yorkers, we are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago. I’ve known you both for the last five years. And it has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I’m sure will be a distracting childish marriage. I’m proud of you. And I love you both. ”

45. Rosa: "We have to get that permit

46. Look, we've done like nine rounds of this, and you haven't drunk once. Maybe we should play something else that actually gets you drunk. I love you, dude, but you haven't had the craziest life.

47. It's my birthday. I hate birthdays. If you wish me a Happy Birthday, I will punch you.

48. “OK, no hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye. ” — Gina Linetti

49. Sergeant Terry Jeffords: “You should take my minivan. ”

50. Gina Linetti: “Would you tell the sky to stop being so blue?”

51. Plans are plans. I’m a badass, not an anarchist.

52. “Captain Wuntch, good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?” — Captain Holt

53. “Fly to Montreal, check into a classy hotel, bone a stranger. Slump over.” That’ll fix it! – Rosa Diaz

54. “I hate small talk. Let’s drink in silence. ”

55. Jake Peralta: “Wait a minute, I think I just figured something out. I got to go. ”

56. “I’m fine at parties. I just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything. ”

57. “No, no, no, I don’t mess with computers, OK? Ever since I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail, I was like, no thank you. I’m done with this. ” — Adrian Pimento

58. “I hate small talk. Let’s drink in silence.”

59. “It’s such a classic Boyle trait to not recognize talent. My cousin Susan didn’t know she could sing until her late 40s. ” — Charles Boyle

60. Now, go home and do all your homework, or I will end you.

61. “So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you. ” — Rosa Diaz

62. Rosa Diaz: “We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live. ”

63. “I’d describe the workflow today as dismal, with a tiny dash of pathetic. ” — Gina Linetti

64. “Amy: And you laughed at me when I went to that weekend-long math conference.

65. I'm Going To Find You, And I'm Going To Break Those Little ____

66. “I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes. ” — Captain Holt

67. “Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum. Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all. Never vacation in Banff. ” — Captain Holt

68. “I ate one string bean. It tasted like fish vomit. That was it for me. ” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords

69. You can't let other people's opinions get in the way of what you want, especially because other people suck.

70. “Fine, but in protest, I’m walking over there extremely slowly!” — Jake Peralta

71. “RoboCop. It’s got everything I like: gratuitous violence…” – Rosa Diaz

72. Amy Santiago: “Rule number three: Let’s not have sex right away. ”

73. “Captain, turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton RE: her sex tape. ” — Gina Linetti

74. “Call me if you grab each other’s asses”

75. Next time I catch him shaving I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.

76. “The only thing I’m not good at is modesty, because I’m great at it. ” — Gina Linetti

77. I have one.

78. “I worked at a sunglass kiosk at the mall for four years. So not only have I been through hell, I was assistant manager there. ” — Gina Linetti

79. Gina, since you're leaving, I'd like to make a toast. Bye.

80. I am dating his nephew. Now we are hanging out on weekends. What is next? Ugh! Small talk.

81. Madeline Wuntch: “Sticks and stones, Raymond. ”

82. “Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said. ” — Jake Peralta

83. Anyone over the age of 6 celebrating a birthday should go to hell.

84. “I need someone to take this personality test for my psych class. I was hoping to wow my professor with a genuine psycho. Like Amy. Or Hitchcock. Or Charles would be great. ” — Gina Linetti

85. “Jake, piece of advice: Just give up. It’s the Boyle way. It’s why our family crest is a white flag. ” — Charles Boyle

86. “Don’t arrest him. Just smack him. Hard. With a phone book on a body part no one can see, you know what I’m saying?” – Rosa Diaz

87. “What kind of woman doesn’t have an axe?” – Rosa Diaz

88. NYPD! Get down on the comfortable matted floor. You’re under arrest for ruining something perfect.

89. She is so cool. She's been buried alive three times. I've only been buried alive once.

90. “I hate small talk. Let’s drink in silence.” – Rosa Diaz

91. “I’m gonna rip your head off.” – Rosa Diaz

92. “But the fact that you’re not willing to give up in the face of adversity is inspiring. I love the Nine-Nine, and I’m not gonna turn my back on the squad. ” — Captain Holt

93. Charles Boyle: “Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a lineup. Will you be Scary Terry?”

94. “What kind of woman doesn’t have an axe?”

95. Rosa Diaz: “I’ve only said I love you to three people. My mom, my dad, and my dying grandpa. And one of those I regret. ”

96. You think I have an anger problem? I don't. You are both dead to me.

97. “Great, I’d like your $8-est bottle of wine, please. ” — Jake Peralta

98. Gina Linetti: “Captain. I know this isn’t my place to say, but Madeline Wuntch is here to see you. ”

99. “Thank you, Carlene. Your entire life is garbage. ” — Rosa Diaz

100. “Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.” – Rosa Diaz

101. “I’m a detective. I will detect. ” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords

102. “Captain? The kids want to know where Paulie the Pigeon is. I told them he got sucked up into an airplane engine. Is that all right?” — Gina Linetti

103. “I’m gonna rip your head off. ”

104. “You think you can just bully people, but you can’t. It’s not OK. I’m the bully around here. Ask anyone. ” — Gina Linetti

105. “Plans are plans. I’m a badass, not an anarchist.” – Rosa Diaz

106. This is on you, Boyle. You couldn't just suck it up and let a few dozen crazed rats eat you until their hearts exploded?

107. “Jake, why don’t you just do the right thing and jump out a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I’m mourning the death of a close friend. ” — Gina Linetti

108. “I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example. ” — Jake Peralta

109. “I don’t ask people out. I just tell them where we’re going. ”

110. Charles Boyle: “OK, first of all, Rosa, you look amazing. Secondly, I made an appointment at the salon with Nikki, for you, under the name Gabriella Fuentes de San Miguel Estrada. I had fun with the name. ”

111. “Move over, Peralta! Move over! Okay. And if I may do a third toast, it’ll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt. ” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords

112. Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I'll turn it up.

113. Jake Peralta: “That was 18 days ago. He’s getting saner by the minute. In a month, he’ll basically just be Frasier. ”

114. I only said, ‘I love you,’ to three people: my mom, my dad, and my dying grandpa, and one of those I regret. My grandpa. He beat cancer, so now I look like an idiot.

115. “Wait, first, let’s say a prayer. Dear Beyonce, Solange, Rihanna, someone cool that’s white, Cardi B, please bless this flush. A-women. ” — Gina Linetti

116. I never throw up. I just tell my stomach to deal with it. My body is terrified of me.

117. “I’ve only had arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him i’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.” – Rosa Diaz

118. Charles Boyle: “I bet it’s really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy. ”

119. “Call me if you grab each other’s asses” – Rosa Diaz

120. “I have decided to stop fighting it and lean in to the fact that I’m an idiot. ” — Captain Holt

121. “Your Sadness Is Noted.” – Rosa Diaz

122. “But my point is this: I don’t care what time it is. I’m always happy to be here. Nine-Nine! Nine-Niiine! A-Noine-Noine! I’m gonna keep doing it until you guys chime in. A-Noine-Noine!” — Jake Peralta

123. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

124. “Breakups are a cartoony thumbs down. They make people feel face-with-Xs-for-the-eyes. ” — Gina Linetti

125. I've said, 'Excuse me,' more times this morning than I have in my entire life. Twice!

126. “Wait a minute, this isn’t the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you’re not Cheddar. You’re just some common bitch. ” — Captain Holt

127. “Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have my personality?” — Gina Linetti

128. “A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You’re describing hell.” – Rosa Diaz

129. Jake Peralta: “So, we broke a rule. ”

130. “You’re so good at being lame and I’m not.”

131. “Trying to get drunk enough to have sexual intercourse with a vegan. Why can’t I just think with my junk like a modern man?” — Charles Boyle

132. “If I die, turn my tweets into a book. ” — Gina Linetti

133. Nope. I'm gonna wait 'til I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word, and then die immediately.

134. “I didn’t understand why people care so much about dumb dogs until I got a dumb dog myself. ”

135. Jake Peralta: “You guys, this is gonna be fine. I mean, Terry’s our boss, and he comes with us every year. ”

136. Fire Marshall Boone: “Detective Peralta, your fly is down. I made you look. ”

137. “Your entire life is garbage. ”

138. It’s either that or go carolling with my family, so yeah. I’d rather walk into the freezing ocean.

139. What kind of woman doesn’t have an ax?

140. “Title of your sex tape. ” — Jake Peralta

141. “And when this is over, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to break those little fingers

142. “RoboCop. It’s got everything I like: gratuitous violence

143. “Um, did something awkward happen? I can probably relate. ” — Charles Boyle

144. “I don’t ask people out. I just tell them where we’re going.” – Rosa Diaz

145. “Plans are plans. I’m a badass, not an anarchist.” – Rosa Diaz

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147. Rosa Diaz: “Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved. ”

148. It’s a joke. I was insulting him. You know, flirting.

149. “I’m scared of businessmen. A whole army of gray-suited Brads and Chads trying to suck my soul and redeem it for frequent flyer miles. ” — Gina Linetti

150. “Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal. ” — Jake Peralta

151. “You just graduated Pie School, bitches! Sorry I said ‘bitches,’ I’m just really worked up. ” — Charles Boyle

152. Jake Peralta: “I tried everything. I begged. I pleaded. I even told them that Scully was a Make-a-Wish kid with a rare disease that makes him look like a giant old baby. ”

153. “Well, no one asked you. It’s a self-evaluation. ” — Michael Hitchcock

154. “I don’t want to hang out with some stupid baby who’s never met Jake. ” — Charles Boyle

155. I'm not going home. I'm going out.

156. “I’m playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I’m hydrated as hell, and I’m listening to Sheryl Crow. I’ve got my own party going on. ” — Sergeant Terry Jeffords

157. “Fly to Montreal, check into a classy hotel, bone a stranger. Slump over. That’ll fix it!"

158. “‘Be myself’ — what kind of garbage advice is that?” — Jake Peralta

159. “Diaz: NYPD! Get down on the comfortable matted floor!

160. “We’ve busted murderers; we’ve taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer: the fire department. ” — Jake Peralta

161. “You can hate people and still think they’re hot.” – Rosa Diaz

162. You can hate people and still think they’re hot.

163. “I only said ‘i love you’ to three people…” – Rosa Diaz

164. So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you.

165. Maybe you just need to laugh. Here, look at this video of a man being trampled by a moose.

166. “Your entire life is garbage.”

167. “Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder. ” — Jake Peralta