300 Funny Sarcastic Quotes: Inspirational Sayings For Life

1. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.

2. “They say each day is a gift! Well, I want to know where customer service is so I can return this one!!” – Unknown

3. Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!

4. “He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

5. I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.

6. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” — Winston Churchill.

7. Without geometry, life is pointless.

8. Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times.

9. Computers will understand sarcasm before Americans do.

10. This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

11. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. - Rodney Dangerfield

12. “What’s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.” ― Fred Allen

13. People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world. - Anonymous

14. Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

15. We are suffering from too much sarcasm.

16. One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

17. There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?

18. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns

19. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” –Henny Youngman

20. “What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.” – Aldous Huxley

21. “Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.” ― Oscar Wilde

22. “The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” – Oscar Wilde

23. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” -Alice Roosevelt Longworth

24. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill

25. “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” — Patrick Murray

26. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege. - Anonymous

27. Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? - John Barrymore

28. Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.

29. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

30. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

31. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx

32. Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

33. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen

34. I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life. - Anonymous

35. I see all these moms who can do everything, and I think... I should have them do some stuff for me.

36. My natural-born sarcasm, when it's unimpeded, can be a bit overbearing at times and I'm the first to admit that.

37. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” –Groucho Marx

38. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

39. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell 'Plot Twist' and move on.

40. “A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.” – Lawrence G. Lovasik

41. Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too. - Anonymous

42. “You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way.” – Unknown

43. “I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.” – Unknown

44. Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - W. C. Fields

45. “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” -Samuel Butler

46. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.” – Unknown

47. If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. - Theodore Roosevelt

48. I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin

49. “Sometimes I have my headphones in at work with nothing playing so I don’t have to interact with chatty co-workers.” – Unknown

50. “Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.” –Johnny Carson

51. There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation. - Anonymous

52. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

53. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s because she changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

54. A half-truth is a whole lie.

55. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” -Anthony Burgess

56. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. - Billy Wilder

57. “It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.” ― Paul Newman

58. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.

59. “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” ― Abba Eban

60. There are some people who come into your life pretending that they love you only because they need you.

61. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” -John Wayne

62. “Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.” – Mahmoud Darwish

63. “My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.” – Unknown

64. The road to success is always under construction.

65. When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ - Sydney J. Harris

66. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

67. Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin

68. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” -Margaret Mead

69. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Fred Allen

70. “I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.” – Unknown

71. “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” — Joey Adams

72. “Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.” –Unknown

73. Always give 100%, except when giving blood.

74. I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying..

75. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

76. “Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.” – Unknown

77. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” — Sir Winston Churchill

78. “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

79. I am not young enough to know everything.

80. Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. - Bill Murray

81. “To maintain a joyful family requires each member of the family to become, in a special way, the servant of the others.” — Pope John Paul II

82. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.” –Unknown

83. “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” — Natalie Wood

84. Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Anonymous

85. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

86. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? - Jerry Seinfeld

87. Well-behaved women seldom make history.

88. If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.

89. Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.

90. My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.

91. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. - Billy Sunday

92. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” — W. C. Fields

93. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. - John Wayne

94. You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.

95. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

96. He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.

97. A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.

98. Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

99. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” — William James

100. Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.

101. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

102. There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.

103. “Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster, too.” — Lionel Kauffman

104. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

105. “Thanks for calling me to tell me that you just sent me an email.” –Unknown

106. It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull. - Anonymous

107. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”- Unknown

108. “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.” – Unknown

109. No matter how bad it gets, I'm always rich at the dollar store.

110. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. - George Bernard Shaw

111. “Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?” – Unknown

112. “You know what I like about people? Their dogs.” – Unknown

113. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

114. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” — Billy Connolly

115. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams

116. “I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.” – Unknown

117. If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

118. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. - Steven Wright

119. “Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” -James Thurber

120. Success is the best revenge. I always feel women should answer back either with their sarcasm or success.

121. It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.

122. If you’re going through hell, keep going.

123. Tell me, is being stupid a profession, or are you just gifted? - Anonymous

124. All the good ones are taken.

125. I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. - Mitch Hedberg

126. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields

127. “There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.” – Unknown

128. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

129. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin

130. Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

131. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey

132. The best things in the world are free – and worth every penny of it.

133. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. - Bill Murray

134. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” –Lily Tomlin

135. I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. - Woody Allen

136. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.

137. “In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority.” ― Ellen Glasgow

138. Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars, and makes people smile.

139. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

140. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. - Anonymous

141. “An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.” –Unknown

142. The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin

143. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. - Steven Wright

144. I am a bit sassy, with some sarcasm thrown into the mix, but stoic at the same time - and brash.

145. Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.

146. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

147. I've reached that age where my brain goes from 'You probably shouldn't say that' to 'What the hell, let's see what happens.'

148. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I’m possible!'

149. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde

150. “There are only two things a child will share willingly—communicable diseases and his mother’s age.” — Benjamin Spock

151. “Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” — Ray Romano

152. “Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” – Walter Kerr

153. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

154. “I don’t want to be with someone boring because I’m always laughing. I to play jokes on people and be sarcastic.” ― Ashley Benson

155. What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’? - Anonymous

156. “Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.” – John Knowles

157. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - Ashleigh Brilliant

158. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

159. “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” — Max Kauffmann

160. Luck is what you have leftover after you give 100 percent.

161. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!

162. You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill

163. Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

164. Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

165. “Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!” — Robin Williams

166. “I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” –Groucho Marx

167. “I always tell new hires, ‘Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.’” – Unknown

168. An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

169. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

170. Sarchotic: When you're so sarcastic, people aren't sure whether you're joking or whether you're just crazy.

171. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

172. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

173. I love the French for their sarcasm, their irony. I love them for their bad moods.

174. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx

175. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.

176. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

177. “I’m sorry. I was listening until, out of nowhere, I became distracted by this loud, obnoxious noise that turned out to be your voice.” – Unknown

178. “Don’t be humble… you’re not that great.” – Golda Meir

179. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

180. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. - Anonymous

181. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

182. Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us. - Stephen Colbert

183. They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

184. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

185. “It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull. – Unknown

186. A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

187. Spend your life doing strange things with weird people.

188. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

189. “People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.” ― Russell Baker

190. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. - A. A. Milne

191. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” — P. J. O’Rourke

192. I don't like irony and sarcasm very much. But I do like it when you think someone is telling you a joke, and then you discover it's serious.

193. I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.

194. “Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” — Michael Levine

195. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

196. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

197. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

198. Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

199. Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

200. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire

201. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

202. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers

203. I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways. - Anonymous

204. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous

205. If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

206. Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.

207. I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

208. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms

209. “He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him.” ― Eddie Cantor

210. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

211. If you must make a noise, make it quietly. - Oliver Hardy

212. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers

213. I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work. - Anonymous

214. Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?

215. “True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.” – Unknown

216. “I believe in rules. Sure, I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?” -Leo Durocher

217. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln

218. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” -Albert Einstein

219. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

220. It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

221. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” –Steven Wright

222. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

223. “Repeating quotes from funny movies doesn’t make you funny.” –Unknown

224. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

225. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

226. “The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.” ― Joseph Stilwell

227. Find your patience before I lose mine.

228. I was aware of a lot of my friends being into things I wasn't into. Like sarcasm. It had never been a part of my family - they still don't use sarcasm.

229. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” — Erma Bombeck

230. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” –James Holt McGavran

231. Flawsome: (Adj.) An individual who embraces their 'flaws' and knows they're awesome regardless.

232. “An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” – Robert Oppenheimer

233. “Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ’em.” — Emilie Autumn

234. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” — Groucho Marx

235. “The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.” — Erma Bombeck

236. History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

237. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder

238. “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” -Groucho Marx

239. “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.” –Unknown

240. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

241. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

242. Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.

243. If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me. - Anonymous

244. “Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.” –Unknown

245. “If anything can go wrong, it will."

246. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -​ Kin Hubbard

247. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” –Lawrence Ferlinghetti

248. “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

249. Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures.'

250. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

251. When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work. - Anonymous

252. “You can always tell when a man is well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.” -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

253. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.” – Unknown

254. What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.

255. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

256. “Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too.” –Unknown

257. If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel. - Anonymous

258. “I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow.” – Unknown

259. “A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.” –Joey Adams

260. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

261. Bad decisions make good stories.

262. “Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.” ― Jack London

263. There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? -​ Kin Hubbard

264. “When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.” – Unknown

265. “When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.” – Unknown

266. I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like?

267. I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.

268. “If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.” – Unknown

269. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

270. The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.

271. “Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.” — Rodney Dangerfield

272. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

273. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

274. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

275. “If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” — Oliver Hardy

276. “I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.” – Unknown

277. Be the reason someone smiles today... or the reason they drink. Whatever works.

278. The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

279. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

280. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.

281. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.

282. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything. - Anonymous

283. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.” – Unknown

284. Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katharine Hepburn

285. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

286. What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.

287. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

288. “I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

289. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

290. The more that learn to read, the less learn how to make a living. That’s one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

291. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. - Will Rogers

292. Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.

293. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

294. “Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.” – Unknown

295. What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

296. Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - William James

297. “The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you.” — Kendall Hailey.

298. I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

299. “Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?” – Unknown

300. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. - Mitch Hedberg