550 Funny Quotes For Work And Life: Inspirational And Motivational

1. Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not. — Vaclav Havel

2. “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” – Marie Osmond

3. “The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.” – W. Clement Stone

4. “Positive energy knows no boundaries.” – Lu Wei

5. “Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their heads turned up way too loud to hear it.” – Brian Vaszily

6. “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

7. “Girls have got balls. They’re just a little higher up, that’s all.” – Joan Jett

8. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke

9. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

10. “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” — Og Mandino

11. “A laugh is a smile that bursts.” – Mary H. Waldrip

12. “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard

13. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote

14. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins

15. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” — Jerry Seinfeld

16. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

17. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” Unknown

18. “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” — Dick Van Dyke

19. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” Justin Sewell

20. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

21. “If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either.” – Leo Burnett

22. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” – Mark Twain

23. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry

24. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” – Groucho Marx

25. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”– Ron White

26. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself. — Ethel Barrymore

27. “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.” —John Wooden

28. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

29. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra

30. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell

31. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen

32. “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump

33. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover

34. “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

35. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” Jeffrey Gitomer

36. “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!” – Dr. Seuss

37. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” – Frank Zappa

38. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

39. “I’m going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.” — S. I. Hayakawa

40. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” – Irish Proverbs

41. “Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.”

42. “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”– Thomas Sowell

43. “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”– Bill Vaughan

44. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss

45. “Good things come to those who initiate.” – Susan RoAne

46. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”– Enid Blyton

47. “His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.” – Arthur Baer

48. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman

49. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

50. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

51. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” Terry Pratchett

52. “Hope is the dream of a waking man.”– Aristotle

53. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

54. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell

55. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” —Pam Beesly, The Office

56. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”– Steven Wright

57. “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.”—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias

58. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson

59. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller

60. “Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” — Hans Christian Andersen

61. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.

62. “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” – Robert Brault

63. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter

64. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time. —Joe Girard

65. “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.” – Yogi Berra

66. Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.

67. “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain

68. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”– Clint Eastwood

69. I have to be successful because I like expensive things.

70. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” – Amy Poehler

71. “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” – Groucho Marx

72. “If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.” – Hippocrates

73. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln

74. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

75. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”– Henny Youngman

76. When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

77. Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine. — Lord Byron

78. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney

79. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

80. Be happy, it drives people crazy. — Paulo Coelho

81. “Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.” – Danny Kaye

82. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

83. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott, The Office

84. “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”- Winston Churchill

85. “I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.” — David Livingstone

86. “Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.” – Jessica Simpson

87. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. — Benjamin Dover

88. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell

89. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

90. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” — George Harris

91. “What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficult, and every difficulty has an opportunity.”– J. Sidlow Baxter

92. “I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.” – Maya Angelou

93. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?” – George Carlin

94. “Spend a lot of time talking to customers face to face. You’d be amazed how many companies don’t listen to their customers.” — Ross Perot

95. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

96. Some people are like clouds: when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

97. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” Unknown

98. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” — Robert Benchley

99. “Concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary.” — Ray Knight

100. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”– Daniel J. Boorstin

101. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

102. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”– Billy Wilder

103. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett

104. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” –

105. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” Robert Frost

106. “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” – Baron de Montesquieu

107. “Time is the scarcest resource and unless it is managed nothing else can be managed.” — Peter Drucker

108. “I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson

109. “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”– Steven Weinberg

110. “The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin

111. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

112. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” Unknown

113. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

114. “Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

115. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain

116. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”– Bryan White

117. “Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda, “Star Wars”

118. “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”– James Thurber

119. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” —Erma Bombeck

120. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. — Ann Bradford

121. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg

122. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi

123. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin

124. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.“ – Oscar Wilde

125. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx

126. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a Ninja princess.” – Cassandra Duffy

127. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” Unknown

128. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” ―Cathy Guisewite

129. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” — Robert Bresson

130. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” Homer Simpson

131. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

132. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz

133. “I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill.” — Edward Victor Appleton

134. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Marilyn Monroe

135. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

136. “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.”– Salvador Dali

137. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

138. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” – David Letterman

139. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

140. “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” – Mark Twain

141. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright

142. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.” –Benjamin Franklin

143. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle

144. “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” – Christopher Morley

145. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”– Charles Wadsworth

146. “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charles Schulz

147. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner

148. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov

149. “You never become a howling success by just howling.” – Bob Harrington

150. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

151. “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

152. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

153. “After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are.” — Shrek

154. “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” – Andy Rooney

155. “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”―Oscar Wilde

156. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

157. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright

158. “If you don’t know where you’re going any road will do.” — Lewis Carroll

159. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy

160. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

161. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon

162. “All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

163. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

164. “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.” – Laurence J. Peter

165. “Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too.” – Robert Half

166. “It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot

167. “Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.” — Marilyn vos Savant

168. “Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter

169. “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” Unknown

170. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

171. “You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond!” – Eric Thomas

172. “Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.” — Rita Rudner

173. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck

174. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer

175. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite

176. “To change your life, change something you do daily.” ― Robert Celner

177. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

178. “I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.” – Marilyn Monroe

179. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” Unknown

180. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope

181. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

182. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett

183. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain

184. “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

185. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde

186. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” – Will Rogers

187. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers

188. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.” – Mae West

189. Aspire to inspire before we expire. — Eugene Bell Jr.

190. “If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” – Regina Brett

191. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres

192. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar

193. “The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.” – Malcolm Forbes

194. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

195. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”– Charlie Chaplin

196. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

197. “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green

198. “Cherish your visions and your dreams, as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.” — Napoleon Hill

199. “The only place where your dreams become impossible is in your own thinking.”– Robert H Schuller

200. “The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.” — Nicky Gumbel

201. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”

202. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

203. Be that kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says, 'Oh crap she’s up'.

204. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” —Bill Murray

205. “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

206. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright

207. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” —Charlie Brown

208. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie the Pooh

209. “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” – Winston Churchill

210. “A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.” — Dolly Parton

211. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

212. “I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.”

213. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” Tom Lehrer

214. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller

215. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” — Bryan White

216. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” Cassandra Duffy

217. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa

218. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin

219. “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures.” – Gene Brown

220. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

221. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” — Oscar Wilde

222. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”

223. “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” –

224. “The only time I don’t have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground.” – James Jason

225. “There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.” – Leonard Barnes

226. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” Steven Wright

227. “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates

228. “Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.” — Merida, “Brave”

229. “If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” — Henry A. Kissinger

230. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer

231. Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway. — Eleanor Roosevelt

232. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”– Jeffree Star

233. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

234. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

235. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” Robin Williams

236. “It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

237. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall

238. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison

239. “Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.” – Malcolm Muggeridge

240. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” – George Harris

241. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho

242. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

243. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston Churchill

244. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher

245. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon

246. “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka

247. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” Winnie the Pooh

248. “I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later." —Mitch Hedberg'

249. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe

250. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

251. “It’s hard to get lost if you don’t know where you’re going.” — Jim Jarmusch

252. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”– Samuel Goldwyn

253. “If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.” —Robert Fulghum

254. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

255. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

256. “Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . You need to be the red tree in the forest.” — Nick Maley

257. “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” – Benjamin Franklin

258. “Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” – Bill Copeland

259. “The only time I feel light-hearted is when I’m in a plane at 33,000 feet.” – Robert Rivers

260. “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers

261. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” – Don Herold

262. “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova

263. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

264. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” Charles Schulz

265. “Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there.” – Josh Billings

266. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach

267. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

268. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.” – Richard Bach

269. “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” —Joey Adams

270. “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” – Charles Gordy

271. “In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.” — Harold Geneen

272. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried

273. “Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — Lord Byron

274. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”– Drake

275. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain

276. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

277. “Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.” – Charles M. Schulz

278. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”

279. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”– Bill Watterson

280. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

281. “The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.” – Fulton J. Sheen

282. “The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.” — Bette Midler

283. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

284. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” Unknown

285. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball

286. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

287. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

288. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” Jason Love

289. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”– Alan Dundes

290. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”– Denis Waitley

291. “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” – Will Rogers

292. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” Unknown

293. “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes

294. “The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive.” — Kenneth Williams

295. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson

296. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein

297. “Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.” —Barbara Walters

298. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler

299. “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” – Edgar Allan Poe

300. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes

301. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones

302. “Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.” – Elinor MacDonald

303. “Cause your facial expression to change – smile.” – Catherine Pulsifer

304. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. — Sam Levenson

305. “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”– Francois de La Rochefoucauld

306. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” Audrey Hepburn

307. “I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.” – H. Kyle Seale

308. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott

309. “A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James

310. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

311. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”

312. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam.” — George Carlin

313. “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” – The Floor

314. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​” -​ Kin Hubbard

315. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” Benjamin Franklin

316. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!” ― Charles M. Schulz

317. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”—Ellen DeGeneres

318. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. Frank Drebin

319. “If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” – Confucius

320. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. — Elbert Hubbard

321. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain

322. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson

323. “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein

324. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

325. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

326. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias

327. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” – Gracie Allen

328. “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”– George Burns

329. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe

330. “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns

331. “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”– Eleanor Roosevelt

332. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

333. “Life is like the stock market. Some days you’re up. Some days you’re down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind.” – Paula Wall

334. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway

335. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns

336. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

337. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

338. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones

339. “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand

340. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln

341. “A good time for laughing is when you can.” – Jessamyn West

342. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright

343. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore

344. “Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.” – Catherine Pulsifer

345. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” Mark Twain

346. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower

347. “If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.” – Donald Trump

348. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand

349. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller

350. “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

351. “Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” — Ann Bradford

352. “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings

353. When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say 'Why me?', say 'Try me'.

354. “I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.” – Robert Frost

355. “The great thing about taking big chances when you’re younger is you have less to lose, and you don’t know as much. So you take big swings.” — Amy Poehler

356. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star

357. “When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say ‘Why me?’, say ‘Try me’.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

358. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

359. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow.

360. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball

361. “So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” — Ed Helms

362. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” — Audrey Hepburn

363. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” — Caroline Rhea

364. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan

365. “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.”—Samuel L. Jackson

366. We make mistakes because life doesn’t come with instructions.

367. “You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing.” – Paul Stanley

368. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell

369. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson

370. “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” – Roger Staubach

371. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” Unknown

372. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

373. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

374. “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

375. “Family — the ties that bind … and gag!” – Erma Bombeck

376. “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers

377. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

378. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

379. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

380. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams

381. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

382. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson

383. “I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.” — Jonathan Raban

384. “To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.” – Hippocrates

385. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

386. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

387. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.“ – Winston Churchill

388. Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way. — Charles Bukowski

389. “To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

390. “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot

391. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney

392. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ―Mae West

393. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” Unknown

394. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett

395. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” Unknown

396. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher

397. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

398. “If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap.” – Glen Buck

399. “I think you can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” – Janis Joplin

400. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller

401. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

402. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson

403. “Always drink upstream from the herd.” – Will Rogers

404. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” — Wendell Johnson

405. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

406. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”―Bill Watterson

407. “Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski

408. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

409. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

410. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”– Elbert Hubbard

411. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love

412. “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer

413. “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.” – Walter Lippmann

414. “When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important.” – Bill Shoemaker

415. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

416. “Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away.” — Kareena Kapoor

417. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

418. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”– Charles de Gaulle

419. “You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.” – Nick Maley

420. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” Joe Girard

421. “Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip.” – Richard Steele

422. “Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.”― Charles Dickens

423. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand.

424. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain

425. “Be happy – it drives people crazy.” Unknown

426. “When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White

427. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

428. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” – W. H. Auden

429. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” Elvis Presley

430. “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” — Captain Jack Sparrow

431. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

432. If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck. — Elvis Presley

433. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” — Les Brown

434. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason

435. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” Cathy Guisewite

436. “My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you’re a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That’s the way to get an idea.” —Andy Rooney

437. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

438. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

439. “Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?” – Naruto Uzumaki

440. “It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them.” – Rose MacAulay

441. “Bending beats breaking.” ― Betty Greene

442. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope

443. “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

444. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

445. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Eddison

446. “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”– Scott Adams

447. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”– Ronald Reagan

448. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” Robert Bloch

449. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov

450. “I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”– Samuel Goldwyn

451. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

452. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

453. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” —Luis Buñuel

454. “All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey

455. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen

456. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

457. “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” – Eugene Bell Jr

458. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” – Ellen DeGeneres

459. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

460. “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

461. “oh, yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” — Rafiki, “the Lion King”

462. “When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

463. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.

464. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde

465. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” —Garry Shandling

466. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy

467. “Free your mind and your ass will follow.” – George Clinton

468. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” Oscar Wilde

469. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

470. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

471. “Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer

472. “A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place.” – Michael Douglas

473. “I don’t remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.” — Anne Lamott

474. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

475. “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.” – Lawrence Welk

476. “If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” – Sam Levenson

477. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”– George Carlin

478. “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” – Stephen King

479. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"

480. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin

481. “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin

482. “You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.” — Tina Fey

483. “I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.” – Karan Patel

484. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” – Bill Watterson

485. “Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” – Dalai Lama

486. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie

487. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” Ashleigh Brilliant

488. “If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly.” – Steve Maraboli

489. You can’t always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window you throw them out.

490. “Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code.” – Jelani Daniel

491. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.” — P. J. Plauger

492. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

493. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire

494. “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” Unknown

495. “Don’t do what you want. Do what you don’t want. Do what you’re trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

496. “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” – Madeleine L’Engle

497. “Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey

498. “Do or do not. There is no try.” — Yoda

499. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama

500. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”– Dorothy Parker

501. “We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.” — Will Rogers

502. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”

503. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire

504. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

505. “Always remember that you are unique — just like everybody else.”

506. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”– Bernard Baruch

507. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” Franklin P. Jones

508. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

509. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.” —James Branch Cabell

510. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

511. “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia

512. “There comes a day when you’re gonna look around and realize happiness is where you are.’ — Chief Tui, “Moana”

513. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball

514. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” — George Carlin

515. “If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big.” – Tom Hirshfield

516. “Life is short. Be silly. Have fun. Regret nothing.” – Karen Salmansohn

517. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” — Phyllis Diller

518. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” — William James

519. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler

520. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

521. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck

522. “Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time.” — Steven Redhead

523. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

524. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

525. “Taking an interest in what others are thinking and doing is often a much more powerful form of encouragement than praise.” – Robert Martin

526. “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” – Johnny Carson

527. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain

528. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

529. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers

530. “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” – Pablo Picasso

531. “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen

532. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

533. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carli

534. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

535. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein

536. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” — Irish Proverbs

537. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley

538. “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” – Voltaire

539. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

540. “The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” — Paul Reiser

541. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn

542. “You can’t crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them. By refusing to think, refusing to change.” ― Ursula K. Le Guin

543. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

544. Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat. — Harry Emerson Fosdick

545. “If you don’t know where you are, a map won’t help.” – Watts Humphrey

546. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

547. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott

548. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

549. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito. — African proverb quoted by the Dalai Lama

550. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers