235 Best Funny Father's Day Quotes And Messages For Husband

1. She did not stand alone, but what stood behind her, the most potent moral force in her life, was the love of her father.

2. “It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.” —Gore Vidal

3. “It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.” —Malcolm Forbes

4. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen

5. A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.

6. Lately, all my friends are worried they’re turning into their fathers. I’m worried I’m not.

7. Average fathers have patience. Good fathers have more patience. Great fathers have an ocean of patience.

8. Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

9. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.

10. Only the best brothers get promoted to an uncle.

11. Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.

12. We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’

13. The only thing better than having you as a husband is for our children to have you as a dad.

14. “The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.” —Lucille S. Harper

15. “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” —Robert Benchley

16. On the perfect Father’s Day. There would be just Dad, wearing his oldest surviving undershorts, free of pressure, maybe just sitting in front of the TV, watching the NBA finals. There would be no conversation other than Dad periodically observing that these players today could carry the ball across Montana and never get called for traveling.

17. You’re a great guy. You make our family happy, and you are an awesome dad.

18. Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur.

19. “Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise they won’t come to yours.” —Yogi Berra

20. “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” —George Carlin

21. “Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.” —Anonymous

22. The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.

23. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield

24. Real heroes in this world are men like you who would do anything to make a difference in their child’s life.

25. “Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.” —Steve Martin

26. Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.

27. A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.

28. I feel that the greatest gift that I can give my children is the freedom to be who they are.

29. “A bore is the kind of man who, when you ask him how he is, he tells you.” —Channing Pollock

30. My dad’s my best mate, and he always will be.

31. Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.

32. I always knew that you’d make a fantastic dad. So glad to say, “I told you so!”

33. A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

34. A father’s smile has been known to light up a child’s entire day.

35. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton

36. “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” —Mike Bechtle

37. “Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.” —George Carlin

38. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” —Judith Martin

39. Dads are like chocolate chip cookies; they may have chips or be totally nutty, but they are sweet and make the world a better place, especially for their children.

40. “A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry

41. “Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock

42. It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.

43. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” —W.C. Fields

44. I love being with you and cherish your spending time with our children. Wishing happy Father’s Day to a caring husband and dad!

45. Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then; it’s a love without end.

46. No one in this world can love a girl more than her father.

47. “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!'” —Anonymous

48. “The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they’ve been indicted.” —Kin Hubbard

49. It’s only when you grow up and step back from him–or leave him for your own home–it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.

50. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” —Jerry Seinfeld

51. The nature of fatherhood is that you’re doing something that you’re unqualified to do, and then you become qualified when you do it.

52. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most do.” —Dale Carnegie

53. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” —James Branch Cabell

54. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball

55. “A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.” —William Lowe Bryan

56. “Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman

57. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart

58. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” —Stephen Colbert

59. I’m a father. That’s what matters most. Nothing matters more.

60. My dad, like any coach, has always stressed the fundamentals. He taught me responsibility, accountability, and the importance of hard work.

61. There’s no shame in fear, my father told me; what matters is how we face it.

62. “Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip,” my father once said.

63. For my husband, I can’t tell you how blessed I feel to have you for my husband. When you came into my life, I knew you were God’s choice for me.

64. “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” —Kurt Vonnegut

65. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” —Ernest Hemingway

66. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

67. I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

68. A dad is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.

69. “My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.” —Billy Connolly

70. Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, storytellers, and singers of song.

71. Your children need your presence more than your presents.

72. “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” —Oscar Wilde

73. “User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.'” —Dave Barry

74. The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

75. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

76. My father has always provided me a safe place to land and a hard place from which to launch.

77. The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself but for his family.

78. “We use 10% of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60%.” —Ellen DeGeneres

79. “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” —George Will

80. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

81. I have always had the feeling I could do anything, and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.

82. There are so many things that I thought you would become, none of which was one of the world’s greatest dads.

83. My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.”

84. Dad, even when you weren’t holding my hand, you always had my back.

85. The greatest gift I ever received came from God – I call him Dad!

86. If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.

87. Not only are your kids lucky to have you for a dad. I was lucky to have you for a brother first!

88. “Never eat more than you can lift.” —Miss Piggy

89. It is much easier to become a father than to be one.

90. “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers

91. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.” —Phil Pastoret

92. A man’s children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season.

93. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” —Jerome K. Jerome

94. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” —Rita Mae Brown

95. “The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.” —Mark Twain

96. “Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.” —Dennis Miller

97. The only way I can describe [fatherhood]—it sounds stupid—but at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it’s just full all the time. Matt Damon

98. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov

99. A father is a banker provided by nature.

100. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” —Anonymous

101. The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.

102. “Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder

103. “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” —Fran Lebowitz

104. Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.

105. Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.

106. There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.

107. “It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” —B. Birdsong

108. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck

109. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

110. The people who don’t believe in heroes haven’t met my dad.

111. It’s still hard for me to believe that somebody actually calls you ‘Dad.’ I always preferred “knuckle-head.”

112. You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

113. The imprint of a father remains forever on the life of the child.

114. “If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota

115. I remember the time I was kidnapped, and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

116. Dad, can I have money to go to a 50 Cent concert? Here’s one dollar; take your sister, too.

117. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein

118. Calvin: Dad, what causes wind?

119. “If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker

120. You can’t spell “parentry” without “try.” Of course, you’ll make a few mistakes. The important thing is that the mistakes you make with your kids are the same ones your parents made with you. At least you know how those turn out.

121. He said, ‘I wasn’t so good to you.’ I said, “You did your best.’ It changed our relationship immediately.

122. I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.

123. Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

124. “Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez

125. “If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?” —John Cleese

126. Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.

127. Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

128. Great fathers don’t find fault. Great fathers find solutions.

129. I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.

130. You can tell what was the best year of your dad’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

131. He adopted a role called being a father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a protector.

132. Before I can live with other folks, I’ve got to live with myself.

133. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” —W.C. Fields

134. It’s never an insult to be called what somebody thinks is a bad name. It just shows you how poor that person is; it doesn’t hurt you.

135. “Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” —Leslie Nielsen

136. “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott

137. “The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.” —Doug Larson

138. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” —Nora Ephron

139. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

140. Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope.

141. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” —Jim Carrey

142. “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'”—Yogi Berra

143. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” —Charlie Brown

144. “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson

145. The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

146. The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.

147. While he was alive, I was Dad’s life. Now, making good for Dad is my life.

148. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” —Bo Derek

149. “Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.” —Dearborn Independent

150. My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.

151. “Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.” —George Burns

152. I only hope when I have my own family that every day, I see a little more of my father in me.

153. “There but for the grace of God, goes God.” —Anonymous, commenting on the film director Orson Welles

154. “A gossip is a person who creates the smoke in which other people assume there’s fire.” —Dan Bennett

155. When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.

156. The only Father’s Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, ‘Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father’s Day this year?’ and he says, ‘Nothing.’ Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, ‘He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No 5 perfume.

157. It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.

158. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain

159. “If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney

160. When one has not had a good father, one must create one.

161. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain

162. “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” —Abraham Lincoln

163. “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox

164. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller

165. On Father’s Day, I want you to know that I love raising our family with you! I cannot imagine anyone else in your place.

166. My father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future.

167. My dad was my best friend and greatest role model. He was an amazing dad, coach, mentor, soldier, husband, and friend.

168. I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.

169. To become a father is not hard; to be a father is, however.

170. There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.

171. A girl’s first true love is her father.

172. “By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.” —Don Herold

173. “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone

174. No man stands taller than when he stoops to help a child.

175. I think that my strong determination for justice comes from the very strong, dynamic personality of my father. I have rarely ever met a person more fearless and courageous than my father. The thing that I admire most about my dad is his genuine Christian character. He is a man of real integrity, deeply committed to moral and ethical principles. He is conscientious in all of his undertakings. If I had a problem, I could always call Daddy.

176. On our six a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven visiting daddy’s freedom.

177. “Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis

178. “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns

179. Every father is the architect of his home life.

180. One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

181. My father didn’t do anything unusual. He only did what dads are supposed to do—be there.

182. Perhaps host and guest is really the happiest relation for father and son.

183. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” —Dave Barry

184. “When it doubt, look intelligent.” —Garrison Keillor

185. “There are two classes of travel—first class and with children.”—Robert Benchley

186. Happy First Father’s Day — Being a father is the most important job a man will ever have.

187. My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

188. Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

189. “My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates

190. A father could be defined as the 3 P’s – the protector, the provider, and the problem solver.

191. A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.

192. My father used to say that it’s never too late to do anything you wanted to do. You never know what you can accomplish until you try.

193. I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

194. We never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves.

195. “All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.” —Steve Martin, in the film Sgt. Bilko.

196. “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” —Henry Clapp

197. Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.

198. By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

199. Even though this is only the beginning, it’s easy to see our baby loves you just as much as I do. Happy Father’s Day

200. It is a wise father that knows his own child.

201. Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

202. The greatest mark of a father is how he treats his children when no one is looking.

203. “You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur

204. “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” —Rita Mae Brown

205. A girl’s father is the first man in her life and probably the most influential.

206. Being a dad isn’t just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word hero.

207. A dad is someone who wants to catch you when you fall. Instead, he picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again.

208. Marriage is like a coffin, and each kid is another nail.

209. Whatever you would have your children become, strive to exhibit in your own lives and conversation.

210. A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.

211. Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then, fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

212. “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” —Anonymous

213. You have to be adaptable because they consistently keep changing. They’ll do something that blows your mind, and then they’ll spit all their food on the carpet.

214. “In order to maintain a well­-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada

215. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon

216. An almost perfect relationship with his father was the earthly root of all his wisdom.

217. What you teach your children, you also teach their children.

218. Happy Father’s Day to a great brother and dad! Warm thoughts of you are filling my mind and my heart.

219. “You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.” —Anonymous

220. Everyone has an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

221. “I don’t believe in reincarnation, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.” —Shane Richie

222. The key to parenting is don’t overthink it. Because overthinking leads to… what were we talking about?

223. Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, story-tellers, and singers of song.

224. “Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.” —Quentin Crisp

225. A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be.

226. You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s. He’s more particular.

227. Uncles are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.

228. “It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, ‘Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.’ Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.” —Erma Bombeck

229. “The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.” —G.K. Chesterton

230. Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.

231. A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

232. Being a parent is the single most challenging thing I’ve ever done/continue to do, but it’s also far and away the greatest joy in my life. It has given me purpose, taught me patience, and expanded my heart.

233. “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley

234. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” —Will Rogers

235. “She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.” —Jean Webster

Share these quotes with the great dad, and say, "you're the love of my life." Write these quotes on a father’s day card and give a dad joke for a happy father's day.

Encourage him as a great father on this special day. "You're the father of our children," is a great thing to write in his father's day card, particularly for new dads.

These father’s day quotes for the father figure, share them as funny quotes as father’s day messages. Give him the best father’s day for a wonderful husband.

For your dear husband and wonderful father, tell him what a loving husband and amazing father he is. Tell him, "You're the best husband in the eyes of our children and I love you as the father of my children."